So I have a lot of "self-help" books. Books on love, books on Buddhism, books on maximising your time and achievement, books on martial arts and Taoism, and even a book called "How To Wash Your Face" (Barey J. Kenet, M.D.).
I've read all or most of these books and have come away from each a little more inspired and with a little more knowledge on how to be a compassionate, wise being. My last read was When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron. It shook me to my core. I mean literally shook me up. The book describes no security in anything, to abandon hope, and to embrace fear. I was afraid. I cried, knowing all the constructs I had put up, my neat little life: all of that could fall apart at any moment. I could be left by anyone, I could lose my job, I could lose face; all things that terrified me. She talks about 6 kinds of loneliness and embracing them. Just being willing to be there, to be lonely, with no resolution. And in that, you will find a vast open space where there can be peace, compassion, and wisdom. I tried to meditate, but I was afraid. My heart felt like a clenched fist, scared to let anything or anyone in or out lest I be strewn apart by the winds of life.
Well, "fuck that", I thought. I cling tightly to my constructs and the people in my life. I have a job, an apartment, and a boyfriend. I have good friends and family relations and a network of support. I'm not going to throw it all away to be alone and lonely and happy about it. But that's not what she's talking about. She's talking about detaching with love so in the difficult times, it's not so hard. We can still have our life - just without attachment. She's right: there is no security in other people, in our constructs, in our ideas about who we are. The book stirred something in me so aggressively that I sought out help from a friend who is a meditation teacher. I'm calming down now and meditation isn't so scary anymore.
The latest book I'm reading is Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh. It's a short little paperback that I picked up from Chapters for $15. The dandelion on the front intrigued me and so did the foreward by the Dalai Lama.
Thay (pronounced "tie" and meaning "teacher" in Vietnamese"), writes simply and in short, concise sentences. I first encountered this in Old Path White Clouds, his story of the Buddha's life. The book is written in parts consisting of a few short paragraphs on every subject from doing the dishes to anger and hatred. Thich Nhat Hanh describes useful and practical techniques for dealing with every issue: irritation, anger, disappointment, grief. He talks about turning your anger into compassion, which is hard to do.
He describes meditation as a calming of the body and mind and recommends smiling as you breathe out. I tried it and felt happy. He says if you smile while doing anything, you can be very happy doing simple work like chores around the house. He says everything you need to be happy is in the present moment.
This book inspires me and hasn't shaken me to my core like Pema's. Both are telling the truth; Thay just in a more gentle way. If we practice mindfulness in every day life, we can transform ourselves into compassionate and wise beings and offer kindness to others and help transform them. In the foreword, the Dalai Lama speaks of world peace starting with the individual. If we can not be kind and compassionate ourselves, how can we expect others to be? He says it is our job to liberate ourselves and to help benefit others. I can jive with that.
Practice extends far from the cushion. Sure, you can take a long retreat in silence and everything will be nice and neat, but real practice happens out there in the big, bad world. I was on the bus yesterday and found it hard to look a homeless man in the eye. I relaxed and smiled at him, and he smiled back. It felt good.
I look forward to reading the rest of the book and will write an update when I am finished. So far, so good. If you want a short and inspiring read, check it out!
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